So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
