It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
