evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
