He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize