Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
