I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
