Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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