Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize