help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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