Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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