My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
