Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
