Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
