Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
