Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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