i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
