I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
