Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
