Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
