That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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