I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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