I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
