Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
