She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize