I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
