Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize