is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
