Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
