Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
