I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
