Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
