I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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