Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Holy shit dude........stairs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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