nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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