Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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