u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
