That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
