you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
