he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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