Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
