you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
