my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize