If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize