Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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