i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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