would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You pole danced in your parka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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