I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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