It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize