Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
