Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
