So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm having to shit out rocks
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