Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
