When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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