Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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