Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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