Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
