Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
