just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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