the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
