erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
