I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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