I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
