I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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