i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
