i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
