What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He felt like a one man threesome
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize