I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
