new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
