He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my being single is dangerous.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
