In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
BRING THE BAGELS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize