she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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