you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize