You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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