Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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