i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
