Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
