I wish i was in the wii world.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
