my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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