Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
