can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
