I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
