i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
