I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
