Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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