dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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