Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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