I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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