I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
