Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
