Plan B is the new Plan A
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
