i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
