Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
