he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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