omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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