somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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