apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
