if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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