then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
