Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize