You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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