Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
