drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
