Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
