i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
