The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
