My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
