im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
