I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
