chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
