I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
